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    December 20

    无题

                

               我不知道为什么心情不好的时候就想写点东西来纪念当时的心情,以其说是纪念不如说是发泄,对于我来说发泄最好的方式就是文字,用文字来写心声,还有就是哭泣,对于女生来说哭泣大概就是发泄的最佳境界了吧,但是我觉得不管是写文字也好哭泣也罢,能让心情舒畅点就行了,那种自以为是的坚强很容易就被击败了,因为从来都不是个坚强的人,喜欢坚强可是又做不到。我为什么心里那么的难受呢?有说不出来的难受,几乎是想要哭泣,可是一时间又哭不出来,那种感受谁能够理解?可是我自己都弄不明白,我到底难受什么?到底想要哭泣什么,只是呆呆的,静静的思考着,慢慢的开始讨厌自己了,讨厌自己的性格,不管是什么事情都是那么的认真,认真到一句话都会想要哭的感觉。可能是小的时候很少哭泣吧,长大了却连想哭都不知道该怎么办了,几乎接近麻木,也可能是生活得太压抑了,所以总是感觉很是憋屈,真的很难用语言描述了,很多次的失落心情任然是没有办法描述,文字几乎也结成了冰,一点想要释放的能力都没有了,只是会慢慢的敲打着这些很是麻木的字句,有的时候自己看了都想哭,可是发现哭的能力也快没有了,总是不断的鼓励自己,我要飞翔,可是当我寻找我的翅膀的时候,发现已经是伤痕累累了,慢慢的在颤抖着,在寒风中颤抖着,直到快要死去的那种气氛!可是从来都不甘心被击倒,可是就在不甘心的过程中,我已经被击败了,真的是击败了,可是还是在挣扎着,还是在勇敢的前行着,这是怎么了,为什么写得那么的悲凉呢?自以为是的坚强,,,,,,,还是以无题来结束这样的心情,,,,,,,,,

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